Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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