If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
