I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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