Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
