The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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