Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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