awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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