What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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