If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
one might say we're banned from that church
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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