also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
