I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
