But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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