We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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