Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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