somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
