how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
