just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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