Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
