We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Boobs are out for the taking
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
