jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
