The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
