so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
