she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
