should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
