Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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