I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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