Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
