new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
