You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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