Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
