In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
FUCK WHALES
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
