I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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