It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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