his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Be still, my beating vagina.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
