i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
