just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
