On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
