whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
