you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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