after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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