I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
