i think my tv is drunk
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
