Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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