What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize