take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
