Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
