Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
