your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
