Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
