tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Terrible idea I love it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
All I want is dick and wine.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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