he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
