38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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