but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the condom got lost in my hair
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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