we're chasing vodka with high fives
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
