I'm going to jail i love you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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