I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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