When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize