he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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