Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
