Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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