Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
