So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My life is pants optional.
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