I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
