Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
