My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize