Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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